


Fade out

by Gilrael



Series: Drabble Requests 2018 [11]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Drabble Collection, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Minor KonoFuta, Post-Canon, Slow Burn, University
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-26
Updated: 2018-10-26
Packaged: 2019-08-08 00:45:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16419224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gilrael/pseuds/Gilrael
Summary: Kenji is in love with his senpai and the feelings just won't fade away.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [owlsshadows](https://archiveofourown.org/users/owlsshadows/gifts).



> So this is a bit of a weird one. My dear friend Hil challenged me to write a "Slow Burn drabble" for any Futakuchi ship of my choosing, which is kinda impossible, so I ended up writing them a drabble series that slow burns into FutaMoni. I posted the drabbles (all 38 of them) on Tumblr first, but they deserve a better reading experience than that, so here they are, sorted into chapters according to the four main arcs that I could see in the plot after finishing them all.

Watching Moniwa-san walk away with his high school diploma in hand, Kenji feels empty inside. And yet, he does not cry because that would be stupid. This whole crush is already stupid enough as is. Moniwa-san is straight. More importantly, he’s taken. A girl confessed to him a couple days before graduation, and now he’s dating her. Kenji knows better than to get in his senpai’s way.

* * *

Kenji’s heart skips a beat when he spots a familiar face up in the stands, grinning down at him and waving. Moniwa-san came all the way back from Tokyo to Sendai to watch Dateko’s Inter-High match against Karasuno. There is, however, another familiar face right next to Moniwa-san. Kenji swallows down the bitterness, although it burns his throat, and waves up at Moniwa-san and his girlfriend.

They yell at each other like always. Futakuchi affects his usual teasing tone, and he smiles when he sees Moniwa-san grab his girlfriend’s hand. It hurts, but there is something beautiful about the way her hand looks so small in his grip.

* * *

Summer comes around, and Kenji finds himself too busy to even think about romance. There’s volleyball practice to be had and mock exams to study for. When Kenji isn’t in the gym, he’s in the library with his third-year teammates. Maybe they should’ve followed their senpais lead and handed over the reins of the club after the Inter-High, but they are a group of stubborn idiots.

But one afternoon he wavers. Moniwa-san and Kamasaki-san enter the gym, carrying two cool boxes filled with Garigari-kun. If Kenji hadn’t already been harbouring a crush, that would’ve been the moment to fall.

* * *

Time slows down and speeds up again at random, making it completely meaningless to Kenji. Losing against Seijoh in the Spring-High feels like a punch to the gut that makes time stop completely around him. His volleyball career is effectively over. He doesn’t know yet which university he will attend, doesn’t know whether he’ll get his first choice, doesn’t know if he can follow Moniwa-san to Tokyo… Kenji doesn’t know so many things, and he hates it.

* * *

“Did you tell Moniwa-san?” Aone asks, violently ripping Kenji away from his manga with his deep voice.

“What?”

Kenji is confused, doesn’t know what his friend is talking about, but then Aone points at the suitcase that is lying open on the floor of Kenji’s room. Kenji sighs and sticks a random piece of paper in his manga so he won’t miss his place.

“Why should I? It’s not like we’ll even be in the same department,” Kenji says, putting on an unaffected air. But Aone isn’t fooled. It’s really hard to fool someone as perceptive as him.

“Still. He’ll be happy.”

* * *

Aone is right, of course. Moniwa-san picks Kenji up at the train station, long-time girlfriend in tow and grinning from ear to ear. It doesn’t sting quite as much as it used to. Time is slowly chipping away at Kenji’s crush, softening its sharp edges and corners. It helps that Hiroko-san is sweet and caring. It also helps that Moniwa-san still treats Kenji the same as he always has. It cements Kenji’s certainty of Moniwa-san being straight, making it possible for Kenji to allow himself to let his feelings fade. At least he tries.


	2. Chapter 2

It turns out that electrical engineering is right up Kenji’s alley. It has the right balance of maths, science and practicality to challenge him and keep him engaged.

“I have no idea what any of this means,” Moniwa-san says when he catches a glimpse of Kenji’s homework during lunch.

“Good thing it’s not your homework then,” Kenji quips, shoving his notes into his bag. “How’s urban engineering treating you?”

Moniwa-san shrugs. “It’s alright,” he says before he picks his chopsticks back up again and shovels rice into his mouth.

Kenji barely manages to rip his eyes away from the one stray piece of rice that’s stuck to Moniwa-san’s chin.

* * *

“We could… maybe… ditch the others…”

She’s pretty, really pretty, and Kenji has had a lot of fun talking to her at this get-together, but now he realises that he’s probably been sending the wrong signals. He can only think of two ways of handling this, and he doesn’t like either of them. Either he tells Mina-chan that he’s not interested without any further explanation, ruining a potential friendship forever, or he tells her that he’s gay as fuck, only potentially ruining a potential friendship and possibly sparing her feelings.

“Well…”

* * *

“You like him, don’t you?” Mina-chan asks, watching Kenji watch Moniwa-san leave the cafeteria.

“I regret ever telling you that I’m gay,” Kenji mutters, leaning back in his chair.

“No, you don’t,” she shoots back. “He seems nice. Have you confessed?”

Kenji snorts. “As if. He has a girlfriend.”

“Oh. That sucks.”

“Tell me about it. It could be worse, though. At least Hiroko-san is nice.”

Kenji doesn’t like the look on Mina-chan’s face. He likes the words that leave her mouth even less.

“You are much softer on the inside than you make yourself out to be.”

* * *

Running into Terushima at a gay bar in ni-choume is not something Kenji ever expected to happen, but here they are. It seems like Terushima has been a regular ever since he moved to Tokyo for uni.

He introduces Kenji to everyone – “This is the guy with the cute butt I was talking about last week!” – and Kenji is more than just a little overwhelmed. But he feels welcome like he hasn’t felt since he’s had to leave his volleyball club behind.

* * *

“Aside from your acquaintance… Did you, you know, _meet_ anyone?” Mina-chan is wiggling her eyebrows.

“Well…” Kenji taps his pen against his textbook a couple times, contemplating whether he should tell Mina-chan the truth. But he knows that he has terrible luck with picking friends. Much like Aone, Mina-chan can see through his lies and affectations as if he were made of glass. So he tells the truth. “I made out with this guy. He was a little shorter than me. He had nice hair. But…”

“He wasn’t Moniwa-san?” Mina-chan guesses.

“That and he was kinda… tactless? I dunno. I just wasn’t into him enough to ask for his number.”

* * *

Kenji continues going to the bar. The more time he spends there, the more he feels at home. There are a couple guys that catch his eye, and one of them even turns out to be quite nice. His name is Konoha Akinori, he’s a year older, and he actually managed to win Nationals with his high school volleyball team. They have a lot to talk and laugh about. When he asks Kenji if he wants to go home with him, Kenji is excited.

He returns to his own room in the morning with his mind still on the night.

* * *

“Is that a hickey?”

Kenji yelps as he feels Moniwa-san’s finger on his neck and reflexively pushes his senpai away.

“And what if it is?” Kenji asks. His cheeks are burning with embarrassment.

“Good for you,” Moniwa-san says, smiling. “I didn’t know you had a girlfriend.”

“I don’t,” Kenji replies. He’s not even sure if he has a _boyfriend_. Sure, he lost his virginity to Konoha-san, but having sex doesn’t automatically mean they’re together. They haven’t really talked about that kind of thing yet.

“Ooh, naughty,” Moniwa-san says, his smile transforming into a smirk.

* * *

Things with Konoha-san stay casual. To be perfectly honest, Kenji likes it that way. He’s having fun, and his thoughts are finally done straying towards Moniwa-san whenever Kenji isn’t occupied. Kenji’s heart feels lighter than it has in months. There are other guys out there, ones who aren’t straight and in love with the perfect woman, and Kenji is free to pursue them.

As Kenji moves into his second year at university, it feels like his crush on Moniwa-san is nothing but a fading memory.

That is until it hits him in the face again, full force.


	3. Chapter 3

Moniwa-san shows up on Kenji’s doorstep with two six packs of beer, one of which is alcohol-free because Kenji isn’t twenty yet. Not that that usually stops Kenji from drinking, but he’s going to humour his senpai as he keeps him company.

Apparently, things between Moniwa-san and Hiroko-san haven’t been as great as they seemed. Fights have been getting more and more frequent until finally…

“…she told me to leave,” Moniwa-san says, voice already slurring.

“You can sleep over if you want.”

And Moniwa-san does. They share Kenji’s futon, and Kenji hates how fast his heart is beating.

* * *

“That’s a terrible idea, Kenji,” Terushima says immediately.

“You are just setting yourself up for heartbreak,” Mina-chan agrees.

Konoha-san just shakes his head and sighs. “Don’t come crying to me when he rejects you.”

“He’s just going to live with me until he finds a new flat, guys,” Kenji defends himself, but his friends know him, and he knows himself.

* * *

Kenji’s flat is tiny. It feels even smaller with a second guy living in it. The breakup has been finalised. Moniwa-san insisted that Hiroko-san should stay in their old flat.

“I’m so sorry for imposing,” Moniwa-san says for the nth time as he sets down a bowl of curry and rice in front of Kenji.

“I honestly don’t mind,” Kenji assures him. “Especially, if you keep making me dinner like this.”

“Hiroko taught me.”

Kenji can hear the pain in Moniwa-san’s voice and wishes he knew how to soothe it.

* * *

They still sleep in the same futon. It still makes Kenji’s heart race as if he were exercising, especially on those mornings when they wake up all tangled up in each other’s limbs. At first, they laugh it off as something that just happens when you share a bed with someone. Eventually, they don’t even comment on it anymore.

Kenji knows that getting his hopes up will end with his heart shattered into a million tiny pieces. But hope is a sneaky bastard.

* * *

“So I found this place…” Moniwa-san starts, making Kenji’s heart sink right down into his stomach. He thinks he knows where this is going, so he steels himself.

“It’s a little further away from uni, but… It has two bedrooms. And if we shared rent it would be cheaper for you than this place.”

Kenji blinks.

“What are you…”

“I mean, you don’t have to move with me!” Moniwa-san says, sheepishly scratching the back of his neck. “I just thought it might be nice…”

* * *

“Oh my god, you are a lost cause.” Konoha-san chuckles as he pulls on his pants. “Are you sure you want to keep this thing between us up?”

Kenji has been thinking about it for the entire month Moniwa-san has been crashing at his flat. He enjoys sex with Konoha-san. It’s fun. It takes his mind off of certain senpais with cute pouts. And yet…

“It’s not like I’m dating Moniwa-san,” Kenji mutters. He grabs his shirt from where it’s lying on the floor.

“Yet,” Konoha-san says simply.

* * *

So Kenji stops sleeping with Konoha-san, and he moves to a bigger flat with Moniwa-san. At least he’s not sharing a bed with the guy anymore, but more than once he catches himself leaning against Moniwa-san’s shoulder as they sit in their tiny living room/kitchen, watching TV. Moniwa-san doesn’t seem to mind. Kenji doesn’t know what that means.


	4. Chapter 4

“Have you jumped him yet?” Terushima asks, leaning towards Kenji so he doesn’t have to yell over the noise at the bar.

Kenji deliberately ignores him. “How are things going with that girl you chatted up last time?”

“Turns out she’s a homophobe, so she’s not worth the effort.” Terushima shrugs. “But we’re not done talking about you and your precious Moniwa-san.”

“There’s nothing to talk about,” Kenji grumbles.

“Konoha started picking up guys again, Kenji,” Terushima informs him. “I think there are a lot of things to talk about.”

Kenji disagrees.

* * *

Living with Moniwa-san is just so comfortable. Moniwa-san cooks, Kenji does the dishes, and they take turns cleaning the flat. It feels strangely domestic, and Kenji hates to admit that it’s everything he has ever dreamt of. Well, not everything. He’s still not dating Moniwa-san. No kisses, no dates, no sex. Just pure, untainted domestic bliss.

It’s a nightmare Kenji does not want to wake up from yet.

* * *

“So you two finally started dating?” Aone asks, making Kenji choke on his own spit.

“No! How would you get that idea?”

“I thought you liked senpai,” Aone says, and Kenji can practically see the furrow between Aone’s non-existent brows in front of his inner eye.

“I… Aone, no. I mean, yes, I do like him, but no, we’re not dating,” Kenji explains. “He’s straight.”

Aone just hums and moves on. “So I can crash at your place while I’m in Tokyo?”

“I’ll talk to Moniwa-san, but I’m sure he won’t mind.”

* * *

Aone only stays for a handful of days and spends most of them working on some project for his dad’s company. But whenever Aone is in Kenji and Moniwa-san’s flat, Kenji can feel his eyes on him. Watching. Observing. Trying to figure out if Kenji has been telling the truth about not being in a relationship with Moniwa-san. By the end of his stay, it seems like he has reached a conclusion.

“I think he likes you, too,” he says as Kenji accompanies him to the station.

“I highly doubt it,” Kenji sighs.

* * *

Aone’s words have planted another seed of hope inside of Kenji’s chest, and it has started sprouting. Kenji is seeing – or rather imagining – signs of affection everywhere. There are the smiles Moniwa-san graces him with whenever Kenji compliments his food. There is the way Moniwa-san leans into Kenji’s personal space during conversations. It’s little things like that that make Kenji hopeful, but at the same time, he just can’t believe that Moniwa-san has feelings for him that go beyond friendship.

* * *

“Hey, um…” Moniwa-san bites his lower lip, making it impossible for Kenji to look away from his mouth. “I know this is probably none of my business, but… Where are you most Friday nights?”

Distracted as he is, Kenji needs a moment to process that question. When he finally realises what he’s just been asked, alarm bells go off in his brain.

“I go to a bar with friends,” he says, leaving out the fact that it’s a gay bar they frequent.

“Oh, that’s nice. Do you mind if I join you now and then? I haven’t gone out in ages.”

“Um, I’m not sure you will like it there…”

* * *

Terushima is ecstatic. Konoha-san can’t keep the smirk off his face.

And Kenji? Kenji just wants to become one with the floor. It’s a nice floor, clean even, considering that it’s the floor of a bar.

Moniwa-san seems perfectly content, though. He’s making friends with Terushima and Konoha-san, completely unperturbed by the fact that he is accompanying his flatmate to a gay bar.

* * *

“You know you could’ve told me sooner, right?” Moniwa-san says, chuckling and kicking off his shoes in the entryway of their flat. He’s a little tipsy. Kenji wishes the bartender didn’t know that he wasn’t going to turn twenty until next month. He’s never felt worse about being sober in his entire life.

“I technically haven’t even told you anything yet,” he mutters and steps inside the flat proper.

“Okay. Then I’ll just have to start,” Moniwa-san says. “I’m bi.”

Kenji stops in his tracks, and Moniwa-san crashes into his back. They almost fall over each other.

“Uh, I’m gay, I guess,” Kenji replies once they regain their balance.

* * *

Kenji can almost taste the tension between him and Moniwa-san. It’s not a bad thing, he thinks, but it’s not good either. There are still too many uncertainties. Kenji highly dislikes uncertainties so he won’t be making the first move. All of his friends tell him that he’s being stupid and overly cautious. All of his friends are idiots, though, and not to be trusted when it comes to matters of love.

* * *

“I saw Moniwa-san talk to Hiroko-san yesterday,” Mina-chan informs Kenji after a shared lecture. Kenji feels his shoulders tense up and takes a deep breath.

“So what?”

“They seemed pretty friendly with each other,” Mina-chan says. “Doesn’t that bother you?”

It does bother Kenji. It bothers him, even more, when he returns to the flat that night and finds Moniwa-san to be in a particularly good mood. Kenji doesn’t mention it, though. It’s not like it’s his place to stop Moniwa-san from getting back together with his ex.

* * *

“You’ve been in a terrible mood recently,” Moniwa-san comments one night, frowning at Kenji from the other side of their dinner table.

“I’m in a normal mood,” Kenji mutters, but he knows that he’s not convincing anyone with that tone of voice.

“Did something happen?”

“Nothing that I can actually do anything about,” Kenji says.

“I’m here when you need to talk,” Moniwa-san offers. Oh, how Kenji loves him, and oh, how much it’s going to hurt when he’s going to start dating Hiroko-san again.

* * *

At Christmas, Kenji sees Hiroko-san walking hand in hand with a guy Kenji has never seen before. The image keeps popping up in his mind for days until he finally mentions it to Moniwa-san.

“Oh, I know she has a new boyfriend.” Moniwa-san shrugs. “I hope things turn out better with him than they did with me.”

“It doesn’t bother you?” Kenji asks, and he’s not ready for the answer.

“She can do whatever she wants. I’m over her.”

* * *

“Hey, Futakuchi.”

Kenji doesn’t want to open his eyes. He’s so warm and comfy.

“Futakuchi.”

Fingers brush the hair out of Kenji’s face, their touch oh so gentle.

“C'mon, dude. I’d love to sleep in a bed instead of on the couch tonight.”

Suddenly, Kenji’s eyes snap open. As he looks up into a pair of dark eyes, he realises that his head is resting on Moniwa-san’s lap and that Moniwa-san must have draped his cardigan over Kenji after he fell asleep watching TV.

Wordlessly, he hands the cardigan back to Moniwa-san and gets up. This is getting out of hand.

* * *

“For god’s sake, tell him,” Mina-chan groans. “What’s the worst thing that could happen?”

“He could reject me,” Kenji says matter-of-factly.

“You’d at least know. You could maybe finally move on!”

Kenji knows that his friend only wants what’s best for him. But telling Moniwa-san that he loves him requires a kind of bravery that is beyond Kenji. That’s just not the type of guy he is.

* * *

Winter isn’t over yet when the central heating in the whole house suddenly fails. Since they only have one fan heater, Kenji and Moniwa-san set up camp in the living room while their landlord tries his best to find someone who can fix the central heating.

The tension is back with full force, and this time, Kenji is too weak to fight back. They sleep in the same futon, just like they had done almost a year ago in Kenji’s old flat. It’s heartbreakingly nostalgic, and Kenji could swear that Moniwa-san is purposefully cuddling up against his chest.

* * *

When the heat comes back on, Kenji heaves a sigh of relief and immediately starts cleaning up the living room. As he’s folding away the futon, he hears Moniwa-san clear his throat.

“Something wrong?” Kenji asks, turning around to find Moniwa-san incredibly close to him. Moniwa-san is chewing on his lips again, and Kenji is tempted to just lean down and capture them in a kiss. He’s a little surprised when suddenly Moniwa-san grabs the back of his head and pulls him down to make Kenji’s fantasies reality.

* * *

Kenji is breathing heavily, and so is Moniwa-san whose head is resting on Kenji’s naked chest.

“Wow,” Kenji repeats once again because he still can’t believe this is actually happening.

“Wow, indeed,” Moniwa-san agrees, his words followed by breathless laughter. “I did not expect you to be this good with your mouth.”

“Konoha-san taught me,” Kenji says, having completely lost all filters.

“Oh, so he was the one who was leaving all those hickeys?” Moniwa-san asks, and Kenji finally realises what he’d just revealed to his new boyfriend.

“I stopped seeing him when you and I moved in together!” he blurts out in a panic.

“I guessed as much when you stopped getting new hickeys,” Moniwa-san says, unfazed, and places a soft kiss on Kenji’s chest. “Don’t worry about it. Not like this was my first time either.”

“Goodness, I love you so much,” Kenji whispers. It’s probably too much too soon, but in that particular moment, he can’t help himself.

Moniwa-san hums contentedly. “Love you, too.”

Kenji isn’t quite sure how he managed to get this far. He has been ready to let his feelings for Moniwa-san fade away on multiple occasions, and now here he is, naked on the floor with Moniwa-san in his arms. Now the only thing that is fading is the old pain in Kenji’s heart.

**Author's Note:**

> If you want, you can follow me on [Tumblr](http://gilrael.tumblr.com). I promise that I don't usually spam 38 drabbles in the span of 24hrs lmao


End file.
